A new school year brings complicated feelings for students.
Some can’t wait to see their friends.
Some wish summer would never end.
Some are excited.
Some are terrified.
Most are a little bit of both.
It can be hard to navigate these emotions—and it can be especially tough as a parent or caregiver to help children and teens handle big feelings and significant transitions. So, we sat down with Sarah McClelland, LCSW and coordinator of our Assertive Community Treatment program, to get some tips for back-to-school journeys.
- What is something every student deserves to hear? “I’m so glad you’re here today.” Just glad you exist in this room just as you are. Every kid needs to hear that, especially the ones who primarily get praised for achievement.
- What do you wish parents knew about kids’ emotions during the first few weeks of school? Big feelings mean something’s new. Crying at drop off on day 3 is just processing. Feelings this time of year are like weather, they change fast. A rough Tuesday doesn’t mean a rough Wednesday. Kids have more feelings than logic, organization and planning. Help them manage these feelings with patience, compassion, reassurance and things will get easier for everyone.
- What is one thing a parent or caregiver could do to help their child transition to a new school year? Practice the goodbye at home before school starts. Just the goodbye part. Hug, one phrase, walk away. Same words every time. “Hug, kiss, see you at pickup!” Kids do way better with something short and predictable.
- What signs tell you that a student’s emotions are more than normal back-to-school jitters? Normal jitters fade in a couple weeks and mostly happen around drop off. Of greater concern: Tummy aches or headaches that only happen on school days, significant changes to sleep or appetite, personality changes such as a usually easygoing kid getting rigid or scared of small stuff for example, or sadness that doesn’t lift once they’re in class. Big emotions that get worse over time.
- What concerns do you hear students talking about? What’s one thing that helps them feel connected or supported? Small stuff, honestly. Who they’ll sit with, especially at lunch. Where the bathroom is. What to do if they get lost. Whether mom will forget pickup or be late and they will be the last one. What helps most? Giving them a job. Line leader, plant waterer, door holder. Gives their hands and their worry something to do. Makes them feel needed.
- What advice do you have for families starting preschool or kindergarten? Lower the expectation of a “good” drop off. Some days walking through the door crying still counts as a win. Send a little piece of home if you can, a photo in their cubby, a small stuffed animal. Most kids stop crying within minutes.
- When should a parent/caregiver reach out for additional help? Trust your gut. If it’s been 3 to 4 weeks with no improvement, or the anxiety is showing up outside school too (skipping friends, losing interest in stuff they loved, sleep or eating changes), talk to the teacher first. Maybe the pediatrician too. Asking early is a great instinct.
- Is there anything you’d really love to say about back-to-school and mental health that isn’t covered in the above questions? Your kid’s teacher wants the same thing you want. They are on your side. Take care of your own back to school stress too, kids pick up on it more than we think. A calm, boring goodbye from you does a lot of good.
Further Reading:
Mental Health Tips for Back to School
Nurturing Mental Health While Heading Back to School
NAMI’s Back-to-School Resources
Road Map to Back-to-School Mental Health
Back-to-School: How to Support Your Child’s Mental Health