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For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for many, the holiday season is filled less with wonder than with stress and anxiety.

Social media, magazines, commercials, movies, and songs convince us that this is a time for magic and joy. And that magic and joy come from crisply baked cookies, trendily decked trees, and presents all filled with The.Best.Gift.Ever.

Commercials showcase perfectly set holiday dinner tables and life-changing gifts (I’ve yet to meet anyone who received a car on Christmas, but holiday ads try hard to convince me this is a thing–this Saturday Night Live video seems more realistic).

Everything seems to send the same message: This time of year, life should be perfect. Actually, better than perfect. Magical.

Chasing Perfection

The holiday season, often idealized as a time of joy and perfection, can become a breeding ground for stress and anxiety, particularly for those who struggle with perfectionism. This pursuit of perfection can significantly impact mental health, leading to feelings of overwhelm, disappointment, and even depression.

The holidays can trigger our perfectionist tendencies by:

  • Societal Expectations: The media bombards us with images of perfect families, homes, and celebrations, creating unrealistic standards.
  • Nostalgia: We may try to recreate past holiday experiences, leading to disappointment when things don’t go as planned.
  • Personal Pressure: We may set high expectations for ourselves, leading to burnout and frustration.
  • Fear of Failure: The fear of disappointing others or falling short of expectations can be paralyzing.

Here are some ways that the temptations of perfectionism can manifest during the holidays:

  • The “Perfect” Holiday Card: The pressure to capture the ideal family photo, often leading to multiple reshoots and frustration.
  • The “Perfect” Gift: The need to find the most unique, thoughtful, and expensive gift for each loved one.
  • The “Perfect” Holiday Meal: The stress of planning, preparing, and executing a flawless holiday feast.
  • The “Perfect” Decorated Home: The desire to create a Pinterest-worthy home, often involving excessive decorating and cleaning.
  • The “Perfect” Holiday Party: The pressure to host the most memorable gathering, with everything from the food to the entertainment being top-notch.

Accepting Imperfection

It’s important to remember that the holidays are about connection, love, and gratitude, not perfection. By letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing the imperfections, you can truly enjoy the season.

The miracles we celebrate each year would never be Pinterest paragons: Most of this season’s holidays have messy origin stories: Hanukkah originates from a rededication of the temple after a violent revolt; Christmas commemorates a birth in a stable; and Kwanzaa was created in the aftermath of a rebellion.

We celebrate sparks of hope that showed up in the midst of chaos, uncertainty, fear, and disorder. Those sparks are easy to miss in the sparkle of perfection but shine brightest when things seem dark.

But with expectations of perfection all around us, how can we resist the temptation to despair when our holiday seasons don’t shimmer?

1. Set Realistic Expectations

  • Prioritize: Focus on what truly matters to you, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, enjoying a specific tradition, or simply relaxing.
  • Limit commitments: Don’t overcommit yourself. Say no to extra obligations if you feel overwhelmed.
  • Embrace imperfection: Accept that things won’t always go as planned, and that’s okay.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.
  • Avoid self-criticism: Instead of focusing on what you didn’t do, appreciate your efforts.
  • Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge your accomplishments, no matter how small.

3. Mindful Presence

  • Stay in the moment: Practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing to focus on the present.
  • Disconnect from technology: Limit screen time to reduce stress and distractions.
  • Engage in mindful activities: Enjoy activities like cooking, baking, or spending time in nature.

4. Seek Support

  • Talk to someone: Share your feelings with a friend, family member, or therapist.
  • Join a support group: Connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
  • Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or getting enough sleep.

5. Limit Social Media:

  • Reduce exposure to idealized holiday posts that can trigger feelings of inadequacy.
  • Schedule down-time: Silence notifications, turn off your devices.
  • Post realistically: When you’re on social media, ignore the temptation to add to the cycle of competitive celebrations.

6. Practice Gratitude

  • Take a moment: Each day, reflect on the things that bring you joy.
  • Start a journal: A gratitude journal is a good way to count your blessings.
  • Thank others: The holiday season is the perfect time for a heartfelt note telling someone why they mean so much to you.

7. Spark Hope

  • Volunteer to help others: There are so many charities in our area that are working to support our neighbors.
  • Share messages of hope: You don’t have to have the perfect holiday card with a family in matching outfits–a handwritten message of support or joy will go a long way.
  • Spread kindness: There are so many opportunities to be a friendly face to someone who is feeling overwhelmed, anxious or stressed this time of year.

Honor the Spirit of the Holidays

Our desires to create perfect holiday seasons come from a good place. We want to be generous and merry, festive and fun. And we can do that without going overboard and overextending ourselves.

Here are a few tips:

1. Set a Budget:

  • Realistic Goals: Determine how much you can comfortably spend on gifts, donations, and holiday activities.
  • Prioritize: Focus on the people who are most important to you and allocate your budget accordingly.  

2. Focus on Experiences:

  • Quality Time: Plan meaningful activities like shared meals, game nights, or outdoor adventures.
  • Homemade Gifts: Create personalized gifts that show your care and effort, such as homemade cards, baked goods, or handcrafted items.   

3. Give Back to Your Community:

  • Volunteer Your Time: Donate your time to a local charity or organization.
  • Donate to a Cause: Choose a cause that resonates with you and make a donation, no matter how small.

4. Practice Mindful Giving:

  • Avoid Impulse Purchases: Think carefully about each gift and whether it truly aligns with the recipient’s interests and needs.
  • Consider the Environmental Impact: Choose sustainable and eco-friendly gifts.

5. Set Boundaries:

  • Say No: Don’t feel obligated to participate in every holiday event or activity.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for yourself to relax and recharge.

By setting limits, focusing on quality over quantity, and giving back in meaningful ways, you can enjoy the holiday season without feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

Remember, the true spirit of the holidays lies in the heart, not the wallet.