For too long, the narrative around men’s mental health has been dominated by a damaging stereotype: the “strong, silent type.”
The stereotype seems positive. But it hides dangerous themes: Suppressing emotions, suffering in solitude, and avoiding asking for help. The consequences of these beliefs on men’s mental health can be deadly.
By unmasking this myth, we can prioritize the emotional well-being of the men in our lives.
Prioritizing men’s mental health is crucial because the “strong, silent” expectation often leads to suppressed emotions, missed diagnoses, and a reluctance to seek help, resulting in higher rates of negative outcomes like suicide. Recognizing and addressing men’s unique expressions of distress is vital for their well-being and a healthier society.
Big Boys Can Cry
We often send messages that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, even when we don’t mean to. Phrases like “man up” and “tough it out” shape a worldview that discourages emotional expression.
From a very young age, boys are bombarded with messages that equate masculinity with stoicism, strength, and an absence of “feminine” emotions like sadness, fear, or vulnerability.
Parents, often unconsciously, play a significant role. They might respond differently to a boy’s tears or expressions of fear compared to a girl’s. For example, a father might tell his son to “shake it off” after a fall, while comforting a daughter more directly. Studies show fathers, in particular, may respond to boys’ sadness with minimizing responses more often than mothers.
Helping boys develop emotional expression can benefit their mental health when they become men. Giving boys the vocabulary to name their emotions is a good starting point.
Babies are not born with words for their feelings; they must be taught. You can say, “You look sad” or “You must feel disappointed” without rescuing or coddling your son. You can also talk about your own feelings without making your son responsible for them. When you can say, “I felt scared; did you?” to your boy, you give him permission to feel and to express his own emotions.
–familyeducation.com
Parents and caregivers can also help by nurturing boys, listening to them without judgment, and asking questions about their interests, actions, and feelings.
The Price of Silence
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. This is a scary, important reason to focus on men’s health.
But there are other costs to suffering in silence: Mental health impacts relationships, work, hobbies, and more.
Additionally, mental health struggles and stigma can be passed down for generations, creating a ripple effect that lasts much longer than one lifetime.
Hidden emotional struggles can manifest in dangerous ways, including dependence on alcohol or other substances, anger issues, and physical maladies such as heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.
Shattering Stigma and Silence
Changing the narrative around men’s mental health requires a collective effort. Here’s how we can all contribute:
- Challenge Harmful Stereotypes: Actively question and dismantle the “strong, silent” archetype. Promote messages that encourage emotional expression and vulnerability in men.
- Encourage Open Conversations: Create safe spaces for men to talk about their feelings without judgment. Start conversations about mental well-being with the men in your life.
- Educate and Raise Awareness: Share information about common mental health challenges in men and the resources available.
- Promote Healthy Coping Strategies: Encourage men to engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, hobbies, and spending time in nature.
- Normalize Seeking Help: Emphasize that seeking therapy or counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness. Share positive experiences with mental health support.
- Support and Listen: If a man in your life opens up, listen empathetically and without judgment. Offer support and help them explore options for help if they’re ready.
- Lead by Example: For men, demonstrating vulnerability and talking about your own mental health journey can be incredibly powerful for others.
Knowing the Signs
Because we don’t talk about men’s mental health as much, many don’t recognize the signs of a problem. And, mental health issues in men can look different from women, making it harder to know when to worry.
Emotional well-being looks different for everyone, but here are some things to look for:
Emotional and Behavioral Signs:
- Irritability, Anger, or Aggression: This is a very common way men express distress. Instead of sadness, they might become easily frustrated, short-tempered, or have angry outbursts, sometimes leading to controlling, violent, or abusive behavior.
- Increased Risk-Taking Behavior: Engaging in reckless activities like excessive gambling, dangerous driving, substance abuse, or unprotected sex can be a way to self-medicate or escape painful emotions.
- Substance Misuse: A significant increase in alcohol or drug use is a major red flag, as it’s often used as a coping mechanism to numb feelings.
- Withdrawal and Isolation: Pulling away from friends, family, and social activities they once enjoyed. They might spend more time alone or immerse themselves in work or hobbies to avoid social interaction.
- Loss of Interest: A noticeable decrease in enjoyment from hobbies, work, sex, or activities that previously brought them joy.
- Difficulty Concentrating: Struggling to focus on tasks, feeling restless, or having their mind go blank.
- Changes in Sleep Patterns: This can include insomnia, waking up very early, or sleeping excessively.
- Changes in Appetite or Weight: Significant weight loss or gain, or noticeable changes in eating habits.
- Persistent Sadness or Hopelessness: While less commonly expressed outwardly, feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, or hopelessness can still be present.
- Increased Worry or Feeling Stressed: Feeling constantly on edge, overwhelmed, or anxious about everyday situations.
- Obsessive Thinking or Compulsive Behavior: Getting stuck on negative thoughts or developing repetitive behaviors.
- Difficulty Coping with Daily Problems: Feeling unable to handle routine stressors or daily tasks.
- Sudden or Dramatic Mood Swings: Unexplained shifts in emotions, from high energy to extreme lows.
Physical Symptoms (Often Unexplained):
- Chronic Aches and Pains: Headaches, back pain, joint pain, or other physical discomforts that don’t have a clear medical cause and don’t respond to typical treatments.
- Digestive Problems: Upset stomach, nausea, constipation, or diarrhea without a clear physical explanation.
- Fatigue/Low Energy: Feeling constantly tired or lethargic, even after adequate sleep.
- Sexual Dysfunction: Decreased libido or other sexual problems.
- Increased Sweating or Heart Palpitations: Physical manifestations of anxiety or stress.
Severe Warning Signs (Seek immediate help if you notice these):
- Thoughts of Death or Suicide: This is a critical sign that requires immediate attention. Men are more likely to die by suicide than women and may show fewer warning signs.
- Self-Harm: Any indication of self-inflicted injury.
- Hallucinations or Delusions: Experiencing things that aren’t real or having strong beliefs not based in reality.
- Inability to Carry Out Daily Activities: Being unable to go to work, maintain hygiene, or fulfill basic responsibilities.
Showing Support
Mental health issues can feel scary. But there are many actions you can take to help yourself–or someone in your life who is struggling.
- Encourage open communication. Offer nonjudgmental support and a listening ear. And ask authentically about how they are doing. Don’t just say “Are you OK? or “How are you?” Instead, say “You haven’t seemed yourself lately; are you feeling OK?” or “I’ve noticed that you’ve been [a specific behavior that’s causing you concern, e.g. not sleeping or drinking more than usual or not participating in a hobby]. I want to check and make sure everything is OK.”
- Get back to the basics. Exercise, sleep, healthy food, and fresh air all contribute to emotional well-being. But, they are often the first casualties of a mental health concern. Pay attention to these, and make a point of meeting goals like eight hours of sleep, five fruits and vegetables, 15 minutes of exercise a day. If you are helping someone who is struggling, encourage them without nagging. Offer to meet up for a fun exercise or go out for a healthy dinner.
- Seek professional help. If you are struggling, a therapist or counselor can provide tips and tools for managing stress, anxiety, depression, and other challenges. If you are supporting someone else, encourage them to seek help. If he’s hesitant, offer to help find a therapist. You can also talk to your primary care physician for referrals or possibly medication.
If you are supporting someone who struggles with their mental health, offer practical help–such as assistance with chores, errands, or other tasks. And practice patience and understanding. Mental health recovery can be a journey, and there are no quick fixes.
Additional Resources:
- Mindfit Toolkit, mental wellness for men
- Mantherapy, therapy resources for men
- Movember, men’s mental health connections
- Heads Up Guys, depression in men
- National Institute of Mental Health, men and mental health
- YBMen Project, mental health for young, black men
- R U OK? a conversation could change a life
- Buddy Up Challenge, a month of activities for supporting male friends
- Men in Mind, a training program for mental health clinicians